i showered and got ready for school in 15 minutes. it was pretty incredible...but i was a wreck, no make up, didnt do my hair, and i was hardly awake. and fernando told me i looked beautiful.
mary jo posted on my wall this morning that there are only 16 days before i come home. i hadnt done the math yet (for various reasons), and my heart lurched. i thought i was going to be studying abroad for a semester??... did someone lie and it was actually just a quick little vacation? my head is so mixed up in last minute plans (which im very excited about), tons of work (though i think this week was worse that next week is going to be, but not as bad as finals week will be), and mixed emotions about going home.
i told emily this morning that im scared about going back to all my problems in the States. i'm scared things wont work out the way i want them to. I've sorta formed my own little world here. There are only a few other people in it here with me (i'm starting to think im a little shy, something i dont think ive ever come to terms with before, in the context of making friends at least...or maybe ive just become more shy). anyway, i like my little world here. i like my little routine. i like walking home from campus with my ipod plugged in because the bus never comes when it says it's going to. i love the lights on the streets of florence. i love pugi. i love the croissants and coffee and hot chocolate from the villa ulivi cafe. i love the library overlooking florence. i love my little room in my nice apartment.
throughout the semester ive had random cases of dying to be home. but now that it's finally and rapidly approaching i want to hide under the covers of my cozy italian bed and stay here forever. im scared about next semester. im scared about figuring out a career / after college plans / next summer. im scared about how my relationships have changed. i dont want to deal with any of it. i want my view of the states to stay frozen, and for me to continue in my little world here.
im not ready. i cant even pretend to be. im not even angry at my upcoming finals, ill do them forever if they could let me stay.
hopefully ill reach a better point. i do have two weeks. god. two weeks.
other news:
-i like this commercial: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYecfV3ubP8. Im sharing it with my fascism class today when i present on 1984, haha.
-i dont feel stressed at all. and didnt get stressed once this week. then again my face betrays me (im broken out), which is funny, that you can even feel not stressed, but know you are. but at least my good mood is still overpowering, even if it cant overpower my break outs. but i must admit, if i was at duke, id be breaking down and out (hahahaha)
-im excited about this weekend. im writing a paper, but im also having lots of fun... it's the last weekend before finals and i figure better this weekend than next.
aight, fifty pages left in 1984. finishing a paper tonight. and writing two italian orals. let's go!
Hi Bit, Have been reading, but worked long days the last two days. Go Duke, btw! It's neat to share all these thoughts/emotions with you. I know you've been there for school, but it's been a vacation, a fantasy and they all must end. Most people will Never get to do the things you have, you are so lucky!! What an experience!
ReplyDeleteAlthough you have to come back to reality, your reality is still pretty amazing and yes it's time for you to make & be responsible for your life. (I know I'm not saying anything you don't know).
We want you back home. And from the thoughts you have shared, you sound like you have changed, grown and changed priorities, I think that will make your life back home even better!
Just remember Toast, Duke's West Campus, Mom's cooking, St Aug, etc etc
And as much as I hate to say it...are you sure you're not interested in International Relations or something that would allow you to see the world while you work...course not to conducive to marriage and family..Off to a dentist apt xoxoxo